The worst decision
England turned out to be my worst immigrant choice. Definitely not a country for me. Neither the weather, nor the lifestyle nor even the earnings are good. And only one thing surprises me. That I once dreamed of living in England. That is the problem with dreams. We do not know until the end whether they will bring us something positive. In most cases, probably yes, but not always.
However, I can not criticize England in 100% because it has a beautiful places. Forests, fields, towns with stone houses, squirrels in every park, modern London. But there is also the other England. Dirty, post-industrial, intolerant and racist.
Probably if it were possible I would have escaped from England to Poland, where at least I would have a normal job in my profession. But there is no such possibility. Edgar has no right to work in Poland, he does not know the language, he would be just as lonely as I am in England.
What if not England?
So what remains for us?
In the US there is no chance for a work visa, Canada is beautiful but too cold, New Zealand is also paradoxically too cold, but still Plan B. ? Well, Australia. Our beloved Australia, where we met. A country where I felt that I could be myself. The one that many of my friends or family do not know and probably would not accept.
Australia is where I met people with similar views and I understood that my dreams and plans are not so extreme or bad, they are just very different from those that my friends have in Poland. There, no one judged me that at almost 30 years I sell ice cream in a holiday resort. When in Poland it would be unthinkable, and the family would be ashamed to even mention what I am doing. There, I met people who were much older, who rejected the traditional way of life, rejected stagnation. Or maybe they got lost in travel life? – as I heard lately. Does it matter? The question is: Are they happy? ?
In Australia, I fell in love with freedom, that feeling when I can move almost overnight, that nothing holds me in place. In Australia I fell in love with people who, despite being your friends only for a moment, leave a trace in your heart for life. I love the lifestyle in which you work to live, NO you live to work.
On the other hand, Australia also has its drawbacks. Distance is one of the largest.
For more than 3 months, Australia has been the main topic after work, on weekends and after waking up. Will we come back? How to return? Is this a good decision, will there be enough money? Which town? What visa?
We already went through six agents (migration and education) looking for a way to return. I’ve dug a pile of documents and the folder is still growing. Little by little I can feel physical and psychological exhaustion, and I am beginning to question whether this decision is definitely good.
I know it is, but it is also damn hard.
Emigration – the most difficult decision for the family
My family took very hard information about my plans to return to Australia. The main arguments against are distance, fears of losing a bond, and perhaps the fear that they will be left alone. I mean, it’s only 2 hours from England to Poland and if they need me, I’m almost there. The truth is that if something goes wrong, it is obvious that I will fly even from the end of the world. Only it will take a little more. From time to time, the family tries to convince me to return to Poland.
And you know what? It annoys me, this very selfish approach. Because I have the impression that everyone around seems to be so suffering, that only they will be alone, that only they will cry in a pillow, and I will be lying on the beach. When the realities are completely different.
They will have their favorite cup of coffee at hand, a garden where they can go for a walk, Maxi, who they can cuddle, places they know and love, cinemas, favorite shops, favorite food. Everything what is familiar. Everything what is safe.
And, do not get me wrong, I described my impressions from Australia so beautifully, but Australia is not my country. It is the best choice for now, but it’s not the same as Poland and always the beginnings are difficult. And I will have to start again. I have to remind myself what products in the store I liked, open an account in the bank, buy Myki on the tram, find a flat, friends, find my favorite places, learn and speak in a different language. At the moment of sadness or doubt, there will be nothing familiar. It will be Edgar ? but you know what I mean. ?
Emigration is a compromise
Change is difficult, risky, expensive, but often: for better. A change also involves losing something. Friends, close relationships, time that will not go back. And about the time I’m so afraid. That time with my relatives which will be lost forever. And I’m aware of that. But I’m also aware that at this particular moment in life, emigration is the only chance for a better future.
Writing it, I thought that someone could now judge me as an egoist because I choose my better future instead of being with my family. And believe it or not, but sometimes I ask myself the same question. But then quickly I’m reminding myself of my therapist’s words: “It’s your life, you have only One and you must live life the way you want.” Of course, possibly not hurting anyone.
I would like you to understand that the decision to emigrate is always painful, not only for those close to you, but especially for those who leave their country. Finally, I go into the unknown / risk / fight with all the barriers that you will not even think about.